"The Haida Gwaii"

We had a couple of practice runs before the competitive aspect of the ESP took off, but without realizing how grand the sandwiches would be, which led to the urgent need to give them their own photoshoots, which then led to the compulsion to make them public spectacles of admiration and awe, we have no record of them. So before I go on to rate John's first solo creation and our first photo-documented Experimental Sandwich, "The Haidawaii," I would like to take a moment to remember both "The Wafflewich" (bacon, egg, sausage, jalapenos, and maple syrup in between two homemade waffles) and "The Savage" (slices of a sirloin roast wrapped in pork fat, grilled to bluish purple perfection, placed on grilled baguette with a mango, pear, radish and Jack Daniels chutney). You were wonderful sandwiches and I thoroughly enjoyed eating you both. Perhaps on an uncreative day you will be revisited.

But enough of the past! This "sandwich," if it can be called as such, was truly a work of art. I almost didn't want to eat it... but that notion was soon surpassed by my desire to eat it. And here is the verdict:

1. THE BREAD
A hollowed out pineapple can hardly be considered bread, but then again, this is the Experimental Sandwich Program. It still contained the rest of the sandwich's ingredients, and so its function was served. Plus I love the golden sweetness that is pineapple, especially when it's been lightly grilled. I give this a Unibroue.

2. THE MEAT
Ehhhh black forest ham is okay for a brown bag sandwich that you're preparing while brushing your teeth and pulling up your pants, but it's hardly the main meat-gredient of an ESP. It salvages extra points for having spicy Asian paste that was left in the fridge from the girl we're subletting from and for being grilled. Even still, Belle Gueulle.

3. THE REST
Sliced grapes, apple, and cucumber tossed in an abundance of chopped parsley and mint. Personally, I'm not a huge cucumber or mint fan, and the spices were overpowering. Ah geez this is harsh... Lucky Lager. (Note the sweet potato fries: these are my creation, and would still not constitute as a part of "The Rest" anyhow. Sandwich only.)

4. THE OVERALL GUT-BUSTING DELISIOSITY
This was hardly gutbusting... four slices of ham and a half of a pineapple's worth of fruit and vegetables.  Compared to the other meals that come out of our kitchen, this really seemed like more of a snack. But this is hardly a complaint - I like light fare and we ate it right before going to play tennis. It didn't slow down my lightning speed and reflexes. It gets a Keith's.

5. THE OUTLANDISHNESS
This was no sandwich. There was no bread, there were no condiments, and you didn't eat it with your hands. It looked more like a fruity drink an underage girl would order in Mexico than anything else. Here's where "The Haida Gwaii" makes up for lost points. 100% Arrogant Bastard Ale.