The Chili Chicken Gut-Bustinator

It's simple. You've come from the future, and everyone knows time travel isn't easy on the stomach. So the first thing you've got to do when touching down in the past is fuel up. And what, you might whimper, is the best choice of fuel? Why, only the CHILI CHICKEN GUT BUSTINATOR, the leanest, meanest, most pant-poppingly, waist-stretchingly, bowel-movement-so-huge-it-clogs-the-toiletlingly amazing sandwich yet produced by the fine people here at ESP. Check out the recipe and review below.

INGREDIENTS
1 can diced tomatoes	400g ground beef
1 can beans, assorted	2 idaho potatoes
li>2 large chicken breasts	4 kaiser rolls
2 beets	all the fixins fit for a BBQ

THE INSTRUCTIONS
1. Make chili (grill the meat, add the beans and tomatoes and let simmer for an hour on low. Add cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper and everything else in your spice rack)
2. Add chicken to chili and let simmer for an hour or so, or at least until it's soft and tender as some nubile breasts.
3. Slice up the potatoes into very thin cross sections, toss them with olive oil, sat, pepper and basil. Arrange them on a tray and cook for about 45mins at 450 degrees.
4. Peel the beets and boil them for an hour.
5. Once everything is ready, toast your buns. Get ready for the great gut-bustination.
6. Take two forks to the chicken in the chili and split it up. Take some major spoonfuls of the chili chicken and glob them onto a bun. Top with a layer of potato chips and sliced beets. And prepare to have your gut busted.
7. Experiment! Add some cheese and play with the spices you use. We've taken to slobbering the whole thing with Tequila BBQ sauce. In fact, incorporating ingenius booze treats in the 'wich is highly encouraged.
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Let me set the context for this sandwich before I review it.

It had been a week since I’d seen John while he was away on [ski] business: in this week I seemed to have drank significantly more than I ate. This resulted in my sleeping through the alarm that I had set to catch a bus to Boston to visit a very dear friend of mine, though in my defence, I was likely mildly concussed. Fortunately, in being the self-proclaimed well-connected uber-genius that I am, I managed to snaggle a ride to the United States of Murrca with an acquaintance I’d met the night before. But I digress. The point is I was a wreck, and still wasn’t properly nourished as per the standards we’ve now set for ourselves when I set off on my Boston adventure. And the bus ride back to my home and native land involved me gnawing ravenously on the armrest of the seat of the person beside me, the lucky devil. I returned to Montreal unwell and unrested. But I was also privileged enough to return to Montreal to have this sandwich brewing in my kitchen.

THE REVIEW:

1.THE BREAD

Sesame seed Kaisers that turned to goo on my tongue. Fluffy, white, and completely void of flavour and nutrition. Generally, this is not my kind of bun. I actually hallowed it out so I could replace the airy dough with even more meat filling, and this very much tickled my fancy. I give these pillowy little guys a Keith’s.

2.THE MEAT

SO MUCH MEAT. Ground beef and chicken breast melded into one to form a chili-like paste of taste. And, much to my surprise and delight, it wasn’t overwhelmingly spiced with cumin. In fact, it wasn’t overly spiced at all, which, between the two of us, is quite the rarity. The chicken was pulled in pork-like fashion (my suggestion, which is quite possibly/probably the crux of the meal) to sop up all of the delicious juices in the pot. SO MUCH MEAT. And I was really, really, really craving it. Mmm. Arrogant Bastard.

3.THE REST

A can of diced tomatoes, some spices, and some beans. Personally, I would have put more diced tomatoes, but my diced tomato obsession is the biggest wedge I can think of in our romance (apparently I’m prohibited from purchasing more, even if they’re on sale), so I won’t dwell on the matter. It shan’t change the rating. The “rest” was suited to the sandwich, and it went a step beyond: the flat cut potato "chips" in the sandwich were a truly spectacular call on behalf of the chef. However, the addition of beets was odd and didn’t at all go with the rest of the sandwich, despite the copious rants and raves about how energy efficient they are, how they could feed all starving people, how they could save the world, etc. I just took them out of the sandwich… so I will take them out of the rating equation. Unibroue.

4.THE OVERALL GUT-BUSTING DELISIOSITY

It busted a gut. This is typically for me, unlike for John, a CON. I rather enjoy maintaining the resemblance of a figure and try not to eat until the point of needing to undo my pants. But, this time, after a week of salads and beer, it was a pro. Such a pro. Arrogant Bastard.

5.THE OUTLANDISHNESS

Not too outlandish… but sometimes, after a week of outlandish levels of outlandishness, you just need to come home to what you know and love. And way too much meat and white starch was just what the doctor ordered (N.B. I am a Guatemalan certified M.D.). I suppose one could deem the beets as rather unusual, too. Unibroue.