"Pirisaurus Crepe"

This was not the highlight of my sandwiching career. I had set out with high aspirations: I was going to make six crepes total, three crepes each. The first would have bacon sauteed mushrooms, the second would be filled with spicy sausage and piri piri chicken, and the third would be filled with chocolate chips and strawberries.

But this did not happen.

I made half of a batch of crepe batter, as the recipe said a full batch would make twenty crepes. Before this, I thought crepes were easy. My grandmother and mother each make dozens of crepes in one shot, I'd seen it countless times before! Surely I, the self-proclaimed Sandwich Samurai, would be able to make a meagre six. Nope. I threw out the first crepe as it both sucked and blew, and somehow only had enough batter for two more. Frazzled by all the cooking meats around me, I decided to go for a one-course crepe that combined the first two crepes' ingredients while leaving out the last entirely. It was still pretty good, but it was certainly a step down from what I'd initially set out to crepe-ate (and eat).

BOO!

"The Dark Knight"

Sometimes you are so hungry you could eat a cow. Or, depending on what geographic cards chance has dealt you, an emu, elephant, or muskox. But sometimes, the 7.5 Richter rumblings in your stomach defy lines on a map and reach such a fever pitch of starvation that your gastronomic yearnings reach a whole new level of metaphoric hyperbole. In those situations, you have to eat the Batman. With that in mind, I give you the Dark Knight.

INGREDIENTS

1 veal roast (roast beef is preferable, but I had to make do with a deplorably depleted Provigo)

1 loaf pumpernickel (also a debatable choice because it turns to mush with any sauce)

12 mushrooms

1 dark beer

Sauerkraut

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Roast veal. On a BBQ if you have one, and on a fire built out of the rest of your belongings if you haven't, because clearly the rest of your shit must be worthless.
2. Place veal in sandwich with some mushrooms sauteed in the dark beer, and add some moutarde and sauerkraut to taste.
3. Watch the Dark Knight and reflect, when you are occassionally not being overwhelmed by such an awesome movie, how great a slice of awesomeness you've apportioned yourself from your excellent sandwich-making.

THE REVIEW.

1. THE BREAD

Rich, mahogany pumpernickel certainly kept in theme  with the dark hero, but it didn't daringly plunge down my esophagus to grab at my secret stomach lining taste buds. Why doesn't Batman dance anymore? KEITH'S.

2. THE MEAT

See?

I know for a fact, being rather close with the chef, that he had intended for a nice beef roast rather than a tender veal roast, but our butcher (i.e major chain grocery store) fell through. Said butcher will likely find bat-shaped ninja stars lodged in his chest in the very near future, as per the chef's concept of justice being closely linked to shiny and pointy things being hurled through the air, but I think it still turned out pretty delicious. I love a good grilled roast, and when we cut the strings of the roast, soft meaty goodness just sort of ooze-ploded outwards... and then inwards. UNIBROUE.


3. REST

Moutard and stale stout-sauteed shrooms made up the rest of this sandwich. The mushrooms seemed to be one of those things that would have been conceptually more tasty than they actually wound up, and the moutard was of our delicious Whiskey variety. Even still, it did little to sweep me off my feet in the face of Gotham's handsome and charming D.A. BELLE GUEULLE.




4. THE OVERALL GUT-BUSTING DELISIOSITY

This was a pretty good sandwich, but, being named after the greatest superhero movie ever (sorry Mr. Burton), I thought my stomach would feel like it was assassinated by two villains and a deeply doured demigod united towards a common cause, and, it quite simply wasn't. Then again, maybe that was really for the best. KEITH'S.

5. THE OUTLANDISHNESS

I think the outlandishness would have received top marks if the chef had used his super-artistry powers to carve up some bat-wiches, though chances are I may have eaten his hand (or at the very least gnawed at it uncomfortably) if he had tried. Even still, this sandwich was missing a bit of Batman's undeniable style and flair, and for said reason, it gets a BELLE GUEULLE. Sorry, Robin.